Alcohol… twisted relationships & forming new habits
2018 was a chaotic, blurry, exhilarating, depressing, fast-paced roller coaster of a year. As was 2017 and 16 before it. Just the way I like it. As the Digital Noir office wound down and the summer heat kicked in I found myself really looking forward to the 2-week break to ‘unwind’. Unwind… an interesting turn of phrase. The last Friday of the year we shared some drinks with the team and then kicked on for more drinks with some good mates followed by a weekend of food & wine and more drinks with old friends. Christmas was with close family and 12 bottles of wine. Mimosa’s on boxing day (of course) followed by an afternoon of beers and an evening of beautiful wine. A few days down at the shack and a case or two of vino. Followed by a classic New Years with old friends and a brutal hangover backed up with another catch-up. On the 3rd we had a long lunch with family — epic food and probably a bottle of Gin each. As is the fashion with Gin it ended in tears. The last weekend of the break was with the boys, a golf trip up the river. In normal tradition, we collected 5-litre flagons of ‘Nuggets Blend’ Port from Kapunda, always a sure fire way to kick off a big weekend.
Am I painting a picture?
Sitting with two great mates who also run their own business overlooking the Murray, many ports deep we all started reflecting on our Christmas breaks and just how much alcohol we had all bloody consumed.
When did ‘unwinding’ become a bender?
I drove the 3 or so hours back home the next morning at dawn, bleary-eyed and dodging roos on the dirt road from Morgan to Blanchetown. Did I feel relaxed and ready for the New Year? No. I felt exhausted and dehydrated. I got home and decided in a last minute attempt at productivity to tidy up some cupboards in the spare room. I found some old journals, from 2004. A 15-year old time capsule. The two-week break (binge) I had just enjoyed was basically my entire existence as a 21–28-year-old. I realised that I had not really had a weekend without drinking alcohol for at least a decade, probably more like 16 years… Drinking and unwinding had become woven into the same fabric. To be fair drinking is woven deeply into the fabric of a lot of our lives. The thought of a Friday night on the soda waters is enough to make a grown Australian weep. Why?
The thing that struck me, sitting on the floor reading my existential, panic-ridden scribbles, was that drinking had just become an easy, normal thing. A crutch, a habit, a comfort blanket. I enjoy wine and spirits and their complexity and relationship with food but let’s face it I also just enjoy getting shit-faced. Being numb. A liquid shortcut to a less complicated, momentarily clear mind (followed by the exact opposite…tenfold). If I am being completely honest with myself, there have been times in my life where the relationship has been unhealthy. So as I was sitting there reading, I decided that perhaps it was time to break the habit. Not quit drinking, announce a drink-free Jan to facebook or go and join AA — just to casually and calmly break a very habit.
Popular opinion has stated that it takes 21 days to break a habit or form a new one. More recent scholarly research has shown that there is no exact amount of time (which makes sense) but that it differs between individuals, the average being 66 days. I have been interested in the psychology of this for some time. I am always working to improve things in my life, both at work and home and often set myself goals to try and form new habits (I use an app made locally here in SA called Streaks to track it). So on that Sunday, I decided I would start with 5 AFD’s including Friday (which is a biggie). It went fine. I got a few weird looks at the podcast on Wednesday when I turned down beers and Friday at ‘Wine O’Clock’ (yeah that is a thing in our office). But nothing more. I told my wife who is always a trooper driving me around that we would have a date night on Sat and she could choose whatever she wanted to do and drink as much as she wanted. Which she did and it was fun and fine albeit with a lot of loud Bon Jovi sung aggressively at me. Simple things really, but ones which are usually dictated by a few (or more) drinks.
I decided one week was easy. I wanted to see what other normal social triggers I could get through. When I quit smoking cigarettes I did not find any issues with withdrawals it was the habitual cues that were tough. That 11 am cup of coffee or the first beer after work — but once you get over that mental tick — it is much easier. So I got through another week fine. Another Friday night out with mates and on the lemon lime and bitters. No issue. A birthday party on Saturday, where I was drinking a soft drink from a can in a stubby holder. A mate offered me a shot of Jagermeister (as they do) which I turned down. “Are you sick?” — “Are you dying?” — No, just not drinking tonight mate. A few weird looks but that was it… One of my good mates, who I always end up drinking far too much with organised a summers evening of fishing/crabbing. This would generally involve us pushing the limits of maritime law and one of our better halves driving our drunk asses home. But we both decided to leave the beers at home and it was a great night. We caught a dozen crabs and cooked them up with the fam and got to bed sober as judges.
The problem a lot of us have with ‘resolutions’ is that we make far to big a deal of it and proclaim bold statements to ourselves (and Instagram) and then struggle to climb the mountain we have built. It is fine to want to change things in your life. We all should be trying to do hard things, to make a change in our lives and the lives of those around us but you have to take it one step at a time. Baby steps Bob… So for me, quietly taking 3 weeks away from wine and beer and nuggets blend was a giant step towards what I hope is a focussed attempt at re-defining a relationship. A few weeks in I could even imagine a life without drinking, why not? I actually think it was the freedom that came from realising that the ‘thing’ (booze) did not define ME. It should be something that I choose to do to enhance certain experiences, nothing more.
The struggle I think, as sit here with a crisp glass of French Rose in my hand, will be to maintain that mindfulness and not slip back quickly into the routine of ‘Beer O’clock’ and binging on the weekend. Perspective is the key. So I will check back in here throughout 2019 to see where my head is at.
Have any of you tried breaking a habit recently? I would love to hear about it.
Cheers!
